Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Goodbye Chronic Migraine?? + Daily Anxiety with Panic included

Here’s a 2 topic in one blog

Lately, I think my migraines has gone down. It’s episodic than chronic or daily.

It’s perhaps just once in a week that I get one. And as for headaches.. instead of everyday it’s… 5 or 6 out of 7 days that I get it….. Which…is still bad..or sounds bad still..but not as bad as before because its like a pain level of 1-3 when it used to be purely 5s.

YES INDEEDY~ My pain scale is weird. I made two separate ones lol one for headache and one for migraine. because my migraines has a life of it’s own.

Perhaps that pure decaf only and less juice/more water thing I got going on… or the fact that I’ve only had caffeine(tea or lattes) only 4 times this whole 4 months!! *pat my own back like a loser* I did it. And got to thank my partner. Decaf isn’t bad. It tastes exactly the same as normal coffee.. DOIII~

But yes… this.. hardly noticeable or “disappearing” *knock on wood* pain…

I hardly feel the throbbing anymore

I wish I could or would be ecstatic at that but instead it makes me worry that I won’t see my Migraine specialist or Psychiatrist anymore.  Or just come back to that department.

Is it weird that I feel guilty for not having a migraine? Is it weird that I feel dead without pain throbbing inside my brain and skull? Or is it weirder the fact that being pain-free and clear of the slightest headache is really a strange sensation to me?

Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Goodbye Chronic Migraine?? + Daily Anxiety with Panic included”

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Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Forcing Wellness Wasn’t Good for Me

I am the QUEEEN of this.

I’m so used to ignoring and pretending any pain I feel doesn’t exist. Although, I’ve become so good at pretending to feel NAAADA for years, what I can’t ignore is the restrictions caused by joint pain, migraines and daily headaches, constant exhaustion/fatigue, (serious) neck ache and stiffness, muscle stiffness, lack of balance, and of course–anxiety and panic attacks that’s caused by this or other way around.. I don’t know but it’s annoying.

I’m in an endless loop.

There won’t ever be a exact reason because I’ve left it ignored for too long. Now I don’t think I could pinpoint or the doctors can find where it all started to help. All they have and I have.. is this huge list of symptoms.

I regret hiding and forcing it for so long

Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Forcing Wellness Wasn’t Good for Me”

Katana Thoughts: You’re going to lose a lot of Loved Ones

I feel helpless. Everyone around me turns into a caregiver which they did not sign up for. They care but eventually the flare-ups or attacks to them to me them starts to seem like excuses. But they try..they stay. If couple of outings, makes you sick…they stay in for you when they wanted to go out.

Eventually arguments and silence happens.

You will hear…

  • You’re always sick.
  • You should exercise. Eat _____.
  • You have to push yourself!

and the most painful ones…

  • I have hopes and dreams too.
  • I don’t want to be like this… Want to live. make me wonder about the future.

and those last two will always be said by your partner. And you will break.

Continue reading “Katana Thoughts: You’re going to lose a lot of Loved Ones”