Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: The Big, Unforgettable “T”

The Trauma now runs through my blood. Every day of my life. I remember the pain. I remember things I shouldn’t. I fall numb, scared, and rare times where I can break into tears when I remember. Worse of all, I still love them. I still think they didn’t mean their abusive ways. I still think that they had good intentions.

Meanwhile what they did, said otherwise. Their words said otherwise. It was not kind nor it meant to be. It was meant to belittle me for their superior complex, it was meant to damage. Meant to burn. It was meant to destroy. It was a blunt action to tell me that, I am nothing to them. I am not on the same level, I’m not dear to them, I’m not anything but a great toy. And sadly, I remember as they were… who I thought they were.. and I love that memory. I hate that. I feel stupid. I feel like I still need to recover. I’m still in grief.

I forgave them. I thought that the fact that I forgive them, it means I’ve moved on. Although I am disappointed for what they did, I won’t forget it; and I will be cautious of the future and I don’t ever want to be in that environment ever again. I don’t ever want to be like them. However due to how I grew up and what I believe in the end.. these people have great relations to me so I will still give my respects but I won’t stand in that spot ever again.

But I’m wrong about what and who I’m forgiving by all these horrible flashbacks.

I’m forgiving the illusions. I’m forgiving who I thought they were. I’m forgiving the fake. I’m forgiving the fake persona they put upon themselves all these years. But now I know. I know too much. Though I wish I didn’t….. And I don’t think I’m over it if I keep remembering and this different… Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: The Big, Unforgettable “T””

Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Effexor is working… but hello again pain

4 & a half weeks later upon intake of Effexor

As much as I love having my emotions back, I’m not sure how I feel about the dull headaches. It’s so strange or perhaps it’s been long since my last but it feels uncomfortable and distracting. Luckily the pain level is about 4 most of the time but not sure, how to feel about it. It’s like a tension headache and cluster headache together. I’m just happy there’s no nausea/vomiting, not much sensory overload; just slight sensitivity to light and sound but it’s manageable. This whole pain feels close to a migraine but I’m not sure as it comes and goes to the point where I have at least an hour or half hour of feeling completely fun to finish my tasks but it’s a full day of this dull ache or fatigue. Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Effexor is working… but hello again pain”

Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Forcing Wellness Wasn’t Good for Me

I am the QUEEEN of this.

I’m so used to ignoring and pretending any pain I feel doesn’t exist. Although, I’ve become so good at pretending to feel NAAADA for years, what I can’t ignore is the restrictions caused by joint pain, migraines and daily headaches, constant exhaustion/fatigue, (serious) neck ache and stiffness, muscle stiffness, lack of balance, and of course–anxiety and panic attacks that’s caused by this or other way around.. I don’t know but it’s annoying.

I’m in an endless loop.

There won’t ever be a exact reason because I’ve left it ignored for too long. Now I don’t think I could pinpoint or the doctors can find where it all started to help. All they have and I have.. is this huge list of symptoms.

I regret hiding and forcing it for so long

Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Forcing Wellness Wasn’t Good for Me”

7 Tips for Supporting Your Partner with Anxiety/Depression +1

1. Don’t try to fix them.

You’re this person’s husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, polyamorous partner, not their therapist. (And if you are, stop dating them immediately because that’s creepy and unethical.) They cannot be well for you. It’s unfair to pressure someone to live up to your idea of how they should be, and they may end up feeling like they failed you. It makes your love conditional.Instead, just let them know that you’d like them to feel better because you love them — not because they have to be well in order to be loved.

2. Don’t try to explain to them why they shouldn’t be afraid of something.

Your skittish schmoopity-schmoo likely knows that their fear isn’t rational and/or the bad thing probably won’t come to pass. Making them feel like a jackass about it isn’t going to help. Consider asking them why this particular thing upsets them so much. Often, the act of throwing a deep, dark fear into the spotlight and spinning it out to its worst possible outcome can have the effect of neutralizing it. And for the love of all that is holy, don’t make fun of them for it. Let them be the one to point out how silly it sounds out loud, or you might run the risk of them clamming up and feeling like they have something new to fret about.

3. Be honest and set expectations.

Gonna be late? Call or send a quick text so they’re not picturing you mangled in a ditch. Got a big bill to pay or a medical test coming up? Don’t try to hide it; talk through it. Treating your partner like a fragile child — even if you just don’t want to worry them — creates a weird dynamic in a relationship. And besides, anxious people are pretty perceptive and will sense that something is amiss. Let your sweetum boo-boo-pie in on what is actually happening, or their mind will likely rev into high gear and assume that something infinitely worse is afoot.

4. Be OK with the fact that happiness looks different for different people.

For some, it’s balloons, dancing, party hats or Jaeger bombs at the club. Others, an Instagram snapshot with toes in sand or Deepak Chopra drawn in latte foam. (#bliss #bestlife #blessed) For an anxious person, it might be a day that passes without a panic attack or having to pound down Tums. It might just be having the wherewithal to get dressed and walk around the block. Calm is a terribly underrated emotion, but it’s just as valid as joy.

5. Make them feel safe.

Often one of the greatest fear of an anxious person is that they’re unlovable just because they’re anxious. As often and as naturally as you can, let them know: “We’re in this together and I’m not going anywhere.” In fact, just screenshot that sentence and text it to your sweet cuddlenumpkins (seriously — I’ll stop) right now. I promise it won’t be weird. OK, it might be for a minute, but you’ll both be glad about it later.

6. Live your life.

Ugh. So your partner is going through one of their extra-panicky or agoraphobic phases again. It’s hard to watch the person you love in such pain, and probably even worse for them to be going through it. But it’s your best friend’s birthday party or your niece’s graduation and you can’t or don’t want to miss it. Go. Even if it’s by yourself and you have to tell people your beloved isn’t feeling well. (That’s actually not a lie.) This might seem like a wrenching betrayal, but it’s a healthy thing to do. It’s a relief, both of your partner’s guilt over holding you back or dragging you down into their muck, and of any resentment — it’s OK, totally valid feeling — that might be building up on your end. Just remember to check in and let them know you’re thinking of them and that you’ll be coming home safe and sound.

7. Ask.

Wacky thought here, but your smootchiemuffins (I lied.) might have a few notions about what might ease their angst, and been afraid to express them. Be open, even if you don’t agree, or for them not to have any answers. Sometimes it’s enough just to be asked and know someone is there to listen.

(Source)

 

 

& most importantly…

8. Don’t expect their Anxiety or/& Depression to be Cured Quickly.

Yes…your existence in their lives affects them. It does not mean, your existence cures them from anxiety and depression just in a snap or short time. Your existence…well more like your support definitely, however, affects their recovery. With those tips above, with time… and I mean lots of time and patience… it will help so much. It helps them to open up, feel inspired, feel supported(like they’re not alone), and of course helps recovery–rather than grow in anxieties and experience more discomfort and disorders.

 

 

 

 

Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Shameless & What we need and (silently) ask for

We often talk about our pain and we’d have days where we need to be selfish or let the damn disease take over. I’m sorry for people around me and not having the energy most of the time…the canceling.. just so many emotional outbursts and sudden lifelessness. Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Shameless & What we need and (silently) ask for”