Katana thoughts: “self inflicted”

I know it sounded like a cry for attention to some when I post when I’m having a flare up sometimes. I post only aiming for people who go through this or know what I mean.. and in some cases.. just because but either way I wasn’t looking for compliments, negativity, comments much. Unless..you have great remedies for them…

but yea there’s rare negativity¬†and there’s this one thing still bothers me… a family member who often boasts about kindness, openness to humane activities and what not… decides to say me.. “looks self inflicted to me” and added “typical attention seeker from a sick girl”..

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It is not true that a mental illness can destroy a relationship. People destroy a relationship.

(Source

So don’t push away… you don’t have to accept the illiness but it exists within the person you love. Your love/relationship, sadly.. can’t make the illness go away/cure your partner… but your support does plenty to us

Katana Thoughts: You’re going to lose a lot of Loved Ones

I feel helpless. Everyone around me turns into a caregiver which they did not sign up for. They care but eventually the flare-ups or attacks to them to me them starts to seem like excuses. But they try..they stay. If couple of outings, makes you sick…they stay in for you when they wanted to go out.

Eventually arguments and silence happens.

You will hear…

  • You’re always sick.
  • You should exercise. Eat _____.
  • You have to push yourself!

and the most painful ones…

  • I have hopes and dreams too.
  • I don’t want to be like this… Want to live. make me wonder about the future.

and those last two will always be said by your partner. And you will break.

Continue reading “Katana Thoughts: You’re going to lose a lot of Loved Ones”

Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Shameless & What we need and (silently) ask for

We often talk about our pain and we’d have days where we need to be selfish or let the damn disease take over. I’m sorry for people around me and not having the energy most of the time…the canceling.. just so many emotional outbursts and sudden lifelessness. Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: Shameless & What we need and (silently) ask for”

Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: My first pass-out of 2017

So…On Tuesday January 3rd, 2017… I passed out-ish..

It reminded me of my first black-out/pass-out and it made me think about what it was really aka blackout vs. passing out. I don’t believe I had ever lost consciousness but I’ve only been temporarily blind and rendered disabled(muscle weakness/lose strength) until like from 20 seconds to nearly 5 minutes. Does that means I’ve been using the word fainting wrong to my docs? I don’t know… I’m limited in describing things to my doctors/specialists. How would you guys explain it?

Continue reading “Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: My first pass-out of 2017”