4 & a half weeks later upon intake of Effexor
As much as I love having my emotions back, I’m not sure how I feel about the dull headaches. It’s so strange or perhaps it’s been long since my last but it feels uncomfortable and distracting. Luckily the pain level is about 4 most of the time but not sure, how to feel about it. It’s like a tension headache and cluster headache together. I’m just happy there’s no nausea/vomiting, not much sensory overload; just slight sensitivity to light and sound but it’s manageable. This whole pain feels close to a migraine but I’m not sure as it comes and goes to the point where I have at least an hour or half hour of feeling completely fun to finish my tasks but it’s a full day of this dull ache or fatigue.
With headaches being back, I’ve been dealing with extreme tiredness or being letharic. Many have told me that Effexor had made them more alert and it’s important to take it in the morning. But due to my habit of sleeping in because of fatigue and sadly…unemployment, I would miss that so I take it at dinner. It could be the reason why I’d be unable to sleep at night, however, I’m always like this even with Zoloft/Sertaline and I’ve always been constantly exhausted in the day though I slept through the afternoon and still a complete 8 hours or more. So I’m not sure what to do. I was thinking of getting that prescription that my Migraine Specialist made which was Neurotin. With help of those who used it, they told me it’s more of a sleeping aid and helps with restless leg syndrome which I SO NEEED. One of the issues that I’ve having my whole life but now more often is that darn throbbing and burning calves. I’d be stuck between sticking my leg out of the blanket but then it be too cold so I put it back in and I wouldn’t be able to put my legs together ever or it’ll cause another or make it worse. I just would love to wake up fine and sleep comfortably and with ease. Trying to sleep is already bad enough with my anxieties at night trying to make a trip to PP Land (Paranoia, Panic and Pee visits). I just don’t know whether it’s because of the tiredness but dissociation spells are still often, I just can’t stop feeling anxiety and feeling like I don’t feel real or any of it. I feel like I’ll wake up and everything will be alright; no pain, no sadness, happy life, be me again but I am awake. This is real. I try to get hydrated because often be stuck with extreme thirst, infections, and to attempt to clear my body of toxins. But all I do is pee and space out and sleep. When I try to be “active” or “productive”, I’d be too woozy and sluggish to. I’m just a great actress or great at being silly and active in talking but body wise, this is prison.
Aside from those sleep problems, headaches, and heavy anxiety/panic; I’ve found a new way of helping my stiffness in my back. Though my neck will forever be a problem and saved for the pros. I got my boyfriend to put my in a bear hug and lift me; with a hop or two, voila~ crack crack crack goes my mid back and sometimes upper back. It would feel great. I’d feel more relaxed for sure. I can’t ever relax and only time I could is with my chiro or massage therapist because my stiff muscles and joints is a real bother. If I could go every week or month, that’d be perfect but I have no money for that and my health insurance doesn’t cover it. I wonder though, if it is because my body feels half done (cracked), is this other discomfort I feel is the other half of my body wishing to be cracked as well for the other and new to feel fully refreshed? I wish although my neck should be done by a professional but wish he could just massage there too. But probably too much to ask with my burdensome butt.
These days, I feel too tired to really feel anything but feeling tired is something right? I’m already horrible with describing how I feel but since the numbness of Zoloft I’m loopy. I feel like I’m forgetting mid-sentence a lot and pausing. Or I forget before I started. I wish I could say it’s from having too much on my mind from what most people say but how long can I use that? I feel like it’s much more. My mind isn’t there with the fatigue. My energy isn’t the same because of the fatigue and anxieties. I haven’t gone out much because I’d be too tired and I don’t feel mentally prepared for it. I’m just so tired of it all. The dull pain isn’t just in my head, it’s every where. My mid back feels achy. Neck is the most achy and stiffest one; and when that aches, my headaches want to start. I just get so frustrated. My body is always aching and my joints always want to give out when I try exercising. I think what’s going on with my body is more than migraines and anxiety or depression. It’s just a matter of finding a right doctor to tell all this. It’s scary to have tremors too. I get it when I use it too much. I read that it could be antidepressants or stress so I let it go because I could see that happening. But this body issues. Irregular periods which could be a symptom from depo-provera shots. But it’s just a thought.
The aches. The pain. The weakness. I tried for myself and my boyfriend, some exercise. I also believe that it’s about training and slowly the endurance and the elasticity of my joints and muscles will come. But thing is, I feel truly that that is not the case. I think I’ve been foolish for not keeping up all these years because I really feel the strain when I do exercise. The clicking in my joints does not sound right at all. My clicking often comes from my hips, elbows, and wrists. It’s creepy even to me who like cracking my back, shoulders and fingers but twisting and turning. I think taking it slow is my only choice for now. Like yoga, long walks, hiking, something like that. But he’s more extreme or just likes ones that makes you sweat and challenging. Until then, I think I just must be brave to tell him my obstacles, what I’m not comfortable with, compromise a bit, but I will, at least, try before judging. In the meantime, the single activities/treatment for myself, I think is definitely some rehabilitation therapy because how can I start or continue with this uncomfortable pain or stiffness, as it is one of the MAIN problems that prohibits me from being my best?
…………..that is mainly what I wish people know.. whether the uncomfortable pain, weakness and stiffness be because of lack of exercise, keep this in mind; when I do, my joints hurts a lot more despite I want to continue. And think about this… this problem I feel, is often the obstacle I feel before any activity or errand to do. If it hurts to stand, if it hurts to walk… what do you think heavy running and jumping feels for me? However it’s not just that, because of unknown causes of my lack of balance, dizziness from quick movement, and potential fainting spells from heat or excessiveness to what I’m not used to….. it’s quite dangerous. I’m not making excuses. I want to try these exercises and sports. I just won’t be able to last long and it will so require a visit to a chiro, acupuncturist, or massage therapist which I can’t afford.