Katana thoughts: “self inflicted”

I know it sounded like a cry for attention to some when I post when I’m having a flare up sometimes. I post only aiming for people who go through this or know what I mean.. and in some cases.. just because but either way I wasn’t looking for compliments, negativity, comments much. Unless..you have great remedies for them…

but yea there’s rare negativity and there’s this one thing still bothers me… a family member who often boasts about kindness, openness to humane activities and what not… decides to say me.. “looks self inflicted to me” and added “typical attention seeker from a sick girl”..

I had to face palm so hard. I did not ask for anxieties. Daily pain… joint pain, muscle pain, migraines, nausea, suicidal thoughts(which I will never act on because ow) and uhm…nearly fainting??

I was lucky because of my years of covering up from people like him who goes “suck it up”, “exercise then. Get vitamin c”… excuse me.. don’t you think I would love that?? I want a life…lived. Not wincing and cowering my head in pain all the time. I’d love to to give explore the city as I dreamed. I’d like my mind clear from feeling alone and unsupported from blood. Oh yea he was a family member. When he wrote that…I broke. Trust was broken there. I expected him the most…educated.

I still dream of living life happily. Trying new things. Seeing new things. Having a career. Be a boss lady. Own my own place.

Don’t get me wrong… I am working for it. I am definitely slow as hell with my panic disorder and chronic pain. But I won’t stop. I know the use of rest.. and I dont take advantage of it. I rest when I can’t even function. Even with much force.

Other than that…I do what I’ve learnt. Pretend. I act well. I push. I focus on my goal that day and for the future.

I do their mindset bullshit:…

it’s all mental. Don’t think about it. Its there because you’re thinking it. 

Glorious, isn’t it? Quite a motivation..*sarcasm*

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Author: fromkatanawithlove

I'm a medical mystery, always was....so I'm documenting it😅😅 Honestly..it was really later in life when I discovered all my migraines and sudden weak immune system wasn't from poor eating. It was something I never expected... I was diagnosed with major depression and general and social anxiety. it was all messed up.. I hope those who visit my blog.. feel safe and connected too. I hope you know.. you're not alone. And to those you knows me... this blog is also for you to understand me better.

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