We often talk about our pain and we’d have days where we need to be selfish or let the damn disease take over. I’m sorry for people around me and not having the energy most of the time…the canceling.. just so many emotional outbursts and sudden lifelessness.
Recently, I caught up on Shameless (for reference; Season 5, Episode 8: Uncle Carl) but for many episodes now, Ian Gallagher been dealing with symptoms of Bipolar disorder and manic episodes. And the episodes before this, he had a major breakdown where he works at his old job at a gay bar, hooked up with a old dude for 100 bucks, later did a porno like it’s nothing. And he also stole his boyfriend Mickey Milkovich’s baby (who he also loves and had help raise) and car and went on to Florida; after the bf told him that he is losing his shit and needs to be admitted for his bipolar disorder. But anyways… the biggest thing about his story was about accepting his disorder. The stigma was strong even though he is their family and in Mickey’s case… his lover. His family and Ian himself, was in denial mainly because of their mother who had it and was often high or disappearing on them. They also had to experience her suicide attempts and depressed modes where she is bedridden for some time. It is a lot to take and such an imagery I would say as children mostly taking care of their parent.
But Mickey… it is just true unconditional love. His response despite his stigma towards mental illnesses, was that he WILL take care of Ian which was good; however, although with good intentions… he refused to getting Ian admitted until the manic started happening and he wanted to get him admitted to be the Ian he loved before… but it was too late as he had psychotic episode right after that lead to his arrest. This relationship is just not so dysfunctional compared to the whole relationships in the series lol
I want their love. He’s just so protective over him. But he never sugarcoats anything really. Hardly gives white lies as well. I honestly feel like so emotional towards these episode especially with Ian admittance. I cried. I remember when I was admitted when I was so severely depressed from my family who just dismissed my illness. I can’t relate to the sedative thing… but I remember the denial and the loopiness from the numbness. But this episodes or just Mickey overall.. I was able to see the outside view of someone who loves someone with mental illness. He was sad, drinking to forget, and when he visited him in the ward… he couldn’t handle it and had to leave. He also skipped the release of dear Ian. But in the end he did come, and apologized-giving the most loving forehead kisses and hugs.
Thing about them two is.. during the time of his downs, Mickey still treated him with respect, was a more softer towards him, but he tried to treat him the same. I love that. I love how he just respects him still when he had his downs but when Ian couldn’t take care of himself, Mickey was there. He was frustrated at times but he didn’t give up. He went to relieve his stress and frustrations but its ok to take a break. What matters is that he stayed.
Annd that my dearies, is what I love so much and want for all of us. I know for those who are dealing with loved ones who has mental illness, it is so hard as it requires a lot of effort and it’s tiring… but breaks are ok for you as it is for us too… And we all need breaks.
and that’s where we come to this…
What we need and silently ask for (in our episodes)
at least for me…
The episode would be the manic to those moods of being in deep despair and in bed.
There will be moments of this… where we can’t and don’t want to do anything. Where we are in deep sadness. There will be moments that we need someone just to hold us. Sometimes someone who doesn’t have to say a word but just hold you and understand. But those won’t be the only moments, there are also those weird down/highs where we are so hyper as heck but also…bleh.
in those times…I hope that we…
- Have someone to let us lie in bed, cry it out but don’t ignore us. Don’t be mad.
- Have someone who would hug us or hold us without a word.
- To have someone who read our expression and understands and knows what we need like our space or that we need them to say it’s ok.
- Have someone who make sure we get out butt in the shower, eat and get fresh air.
- Have someone who is ok to adjust to our sudden change of plans (staying in or going for fresh air)
- Have someone who doesn’t act too much like a caretaker and let us break rules a bit with a cup of joes or tea, have candy and desserts to no prevail.
- Have Someone who stays after seeing all our horrible sides of us
I can’t think of more at the moment but… do share if you got more 🙂