Living with Chronic Pain & Mental Illness: My first pass-out of 2017

So…On Tuesday January 3rd, 2017… I passed out-ish..

It reminded me of my first black-out/pass-out and it made me think about what it was really aka blackout vs. passing out. I don’t believe I had ever lost consciousness but I’ve only been temporarily blind and rendered disabled(muscle weakness/lose strength) until like from 20 seconds to nearly 5 minutes. Does that means I’ve been using the word fainting wrong to my docs? I don’t know… I’m limited in describing things to my doctors/specialists. How would you guys explain it?

My boyfriend got me slightly more paranoid. Before I’ve been looking up Fibromyalgia, and most of the symptoms; I relate to it except the extreme pain(or maybe I’ve had gotten so used my pain that its only a 5 on my scale), but I do often ache and my ribs are sensitive to touch. I do notice most of my visits to the specialist would always begin with my blood pressure being low. And recently boyfriend mentioned diabetes and possible epilepsy as 2 of my family does have diabetes(one being blood related). And according to my boyfriend’s friend, everyone is different in seizures as in not everyone shakes/trembles before it.

So concerning my family medical history besides the two that has diabetes, all I know is there’s for sure lung problems as my mom has asthma (I think due to lack of exercise and her work environment in a nail salon over time) and my grandma had some due to her smoking. And the rest of my family of mom and dad side has heart disease, high cholesterol, and three has prostate cancer and ovarian cancer.

So who knows really…

But yea back to the embarrassing incident and first time it happened in front of my mom,

Was getting my nails finished up with the top coat/nail polish; when my head started hurting a bit, I started to feel hot/sweaty, and in 10 seconds the light that was shining on my hands began to start irritating me and I began having flashing bright light (aka photopsia) before black spots start covering my vision.  Nausea began and lightheadedness. I got help from the nail technician to help me get to the washroom while having my vision flashing on and off until it went black and I totally lost control and collapsed on my knees. Here’s the thing besides the gagging/urge to vomit in my blindness, it was also the reason why, I realized… I was still conscious but blind. On the ground, I could hear the conversations; mom being irritated during her pedicure and the nail technician rushing to get a towel or something while telling the other lady what happened. But I could tell I was blinking hard because well…mentally I was to get my vision back. I managed to see the light from the washroom but everything was dark. I was going to crawl but had help there; in that path, my vision began flashing on and off until I was right above the toilet. My vision came back and I vomit yellow acid-and damn I felt better. Vision was 100% back so I cooled myself with cold water came back to a cup of juice and water which helped so much.

I’m just pissed that my mom showed to be still cold and snobby because during that whole thing, she was like “she’s always unwell, sick, weak, ever since she was little”  yea this is annoying shit she had always done since I was young and this is how she invalidated my whole migraine and medical mystery got to this point.

It sucks because I can’t tell them what was wrong or what it really is. But I had a huge feeling that it was low blood pressure and from missing breakfast. I had cup of waters and cup half of hot chocolate before then so I didn’t eat for 9 hours, despite pushing mommy dearest for a snack at least, she’s like nails first. I felt fine though… hangry for sure but I could hold it for an hour…but it was more than an hour there, my body went spattt~~

Compared to my previous aka first fainting incident on the bus last year, I’m sure it was due to dehydration/heat-stroke but it was the longest time I had been blind like 7 to 10 minutes. But I did eat and had something in my stomach before then. So I’m a lil at a loss of what it is exactly. Though it’s obvious with low blood pressure from not having real breakfast(solids)… I want to know deeper because it’s not the first time and these symptoms are scary. Being helpless and blind… It’s scary.

But yes, the boyfriend mentioned epilepsy as mentioned above… For all light sensitivity, flashing lights, headache/migraine, and nausea/vomiting incidents that happened.. it was happened when there was bright sun, white clouds, bright mall displays, and from spotlights/lamp lights(light from dining rooms, phones, and lamps from nail salon shining directly on me)…..

So is it possible?

I’m so frustrated… I don’t know what to say to my specialist/doctor without overwhelming her and myself. I am icky today too. I had a headache and weird feeling like before the spot and flashing began so I missed out on my long awaited and skipped 3 times now with the psychiatrist. I feel like I still can’t open up to her and I don’t know where to begin as my paranoia is on my health and it’s growing. I feel like I need more and different types of doctors. I’m starting to wonder if going to a headache and migraine specialist is not the right way to go right now but it’s definitely a start.


Author: fromkatanawithlove

I'm a medical mystery, always I'm documenting it😅😅 was really later in life when I discovered all my migraines and sudden weak immune system wasn't from poor eating. It was something I never expected... I was diagnosed with major depression and general and social anxiety. it was all messed up.. I hope those who visit my blog.. feel safe and connected too. I hope you know.. you're not alone. And to those you knows me... this blog is also for you to understand me better.

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